~ What Would You Do? ~
It began with a memory that came back to me. My parents were arguing as they stood around my bed – my father molesting me. They were arguing about all the illegitimate children my father had and how much it was costing them.
And then there is another memory that was in the recesses of my mind. Shortly after I met this friend and one day returned from across the field after visiting her, my mother said to my father about her family when she thought I was out of hearing range, “What are the odds they would move right across the hill?” What are the odds, indeed?
She was adopted. Her mother gave her all the information she had on her blood mother when she was a teenager. There was no information in any of the records on her father.
Her mother was from Lancaster County and she got pregnant while in high school. She went to a home in Lancaster County for pregnant girls who were giving their babies up for adoption. The family had already been chosen and my friend’s mother gave her to the adoptive family immediately after birth.
My therapist would tell me life for many adopted children is a hard road to traverse. It is reflected many ways in our society – from the prison population to alcohol and drug treatment centers. Many people adopt, not for love of the child, but to fulfill their own needs – whatever they may be. That is totally evident and extremely disturbing in my own parent’s adoption of a baby from Vietnam.
But, I digress. Back to the DNA test. You see, I know the odds are very small. But I have a list of so many things – and this one comes down to plain science. It comes down to a 99.99 percent yes or no. It’s something I could cross off my list with absolute finality. I know I have half-brothers and sisters out there – I know it. But she, by the odds, is not one of them.
So, the big question is, if my brothers and sisters wrote a letter to a Dr. of Psychology in Philadelphia using this as one of their “arguments” that I was “mentally ill,” (don’t tell Maury Povich!), why wouldn’t they be encouraging the test to prove their point? They could say, “See, they took the test and there’s no possibility they’re half-sisters. We told you she was crazy!”
And why aren’t my parents screaming as loudly as they can, “Yes, take the test! It's a bunch of nonsense!” Isn’t that what you would do – if it wasn’t true?
THE MYSTERY CONTINUES LATER TODAY…
~ Family Secrets ~
She was born on St. Patrick’s Day in 1954. I met her on the school bus to Mountville Elementary School when we were both in the 6th grade. We became instant, inseparable friends. We remained best friends until the summer of 2003.
That summer, I asked her to take a DNA test. Back then, the cost on the internet was $250 and with a swab of each of our cheeks and four or five days for mailing, I would have an answer. Not a definitive answer for half-sisters – but an indication (possibly quite strong) that the possibility existed. My father’s DNA would be required for a 99.99% conclusive positive or negative answer.
There are many, many reasons I wanted, and still want, to do it. That summer in 2003, I looked into her face and saw my father. I saw him as clear as day. For many years prior, and to this day, I look in the mirror and see her. I see more of her in my face than either of my two “real” sisters.
Tomorrow, the unusual reaction of my parents and brothers and sisters. And it got far stranger the weekend before last…
Memo to: Helen Colwell Adams
From: Becky Holzinger, Lancaster Independent Press
Re: “Decency, ethics and integrity”
You’re an idiot, a liar and a disgrace to journalists everywhere. Resign.
Please check back later today for a St. Patty’s Day mystery (really!)…
“Incest is real. It is awful. It happens everywhere – in every corner of society – behind some of the prettiest front doors.”
A quote from Healing Women I have on the front page of the paper edition of LIP - “INCEST – A Family Tragedy” under an artist’s rendering of my parent’s home, “Sylvan Retreat.” They used the drawing as their “letterhead” for years.
Please check back later today…
Well, folks. I was confused (and not for the first time I hear you all saying). In desperate need of some thinking time and with a great deal else to do – I thought Easter was this weekend. Sadly, it is not. So this website will keep going until next Thursday when it will go on much needed “vacation.”
Five tragedies in a week. Please check back tomorrow…
~ The Incest House ~
I FIGURED IT OUT
I figured something out. I’ve had a list, a long, long list for over four years now. A list of questions and puzzles about my family and parents. And one question, one that seemed fairly insignificant, sat at the very bottom of my list for years – why did my parents have built in beds, dressers, bookcases and a desk in my and my sister’s “room?”
The house is an old one-room schoolhouse. The second floor was converted into one large room. There were no divisions, no privacy. My two sisters and I shared it. On the one end, where the ceiling sloped down to the eaves, there were two built-in beds on either side with built-in bookcases at both ends of both beds. There were two built-in dressers and across the end of the room, a built-in desk. There was no furniture that was movable, other than a small table.
I don’t recall ever seeing anything quite like it. My son likes to rearrange his room twice a year when the seasons change. It’s always somewhat amused me because it simply does not occur to me to change around my room. I couldn’t growing up. There was nothing to move.
So, way down on my list, was why? Well, it came to me this past week. Like everything else, it comes down to control and money and my parent’s dislike/distrust of their own children.
In an article several months ago, I took you here under “SHIPPED READING” in the January 2005 minutes of the Lancaster Monthly Meeting. My parents were busy, busy, busy shipping 164 pounds of books to the children of Lesotho.
Once, when my brother was visiting my parents several years ago, he found a book he loved as a child. My parent’s house has almost nothing other than books and books and books, because they are great intellectuals. So my brother asked my parents if he could take the book home with him to read to his two boys. My parents told him “No.”
I could hear the amazement and hurt in my brother’s voice when he told the story. We never, ever said anything bad about our parents because they were perfect, you see, and you weren’t allowed to. And none of their children ever, ever asked them for anything. And when you went home to visit you worked, because that was what was expected of you. You mowed their lawn and chopped their wood and picked up sticks. And when my brother asked for one of the thousands of books in their home, a book he had loved as a child, a book he wanted to share with his children, my parents said “No.”
People who molest their children are not nice people.
Reprinted from IncestTragedy.com
Please check back later today…
~ The Incest House ~
The incest house will be sold. The contents will be sold at a public auction on April 19. Mark your calendars.
Yes, you can see the old one-room school house with two outhouses, one of them named “Holly House,” which I moved into in high school.
The incest house with a name - “Sylvan Retreat” – will be no more. I hope the new owner bulldozes it immediately.
Please check back tomorrow.
THE INCEST HOUSE
And more is coming later today…
THE BIG DEAL
I know I said I would come back to the incest story after the holiday break – and I will. But certain recent events have it foremost in my mind – and I can concentrate on little else. In response to the quote from a sibling this weekend I published two days ago – “Well, if Dad touched your breasts twice, what’s the big deal?” – I am reprinting the below partial list of real life events that took place when I was in high school and carried over my whole life.
You see, the big deal is that they not only took my childhood from me, they took my entire life. And, of course, it didn’t only occur twice and it was a quite a bit more than touching my breasts.
There will be much more after the Spring break and tomorrow I will do a news round-up before that break begins.
~ I stopped speaking in high school. It is called “elective mutism.”
~ I had a dreadful high school experience.
~ I began to drink heavily in high school.
~ I gained a tremendous amount of weight in high school.
~ I moved into Holly House, a tiny “guest house” on the property in high school.
~ I moved into an apartment in the 12th grade and had to change schools and graduate from a different high school than I had attended all of my life. I also had to work two jobs to pay the McCaskey tuition.
~ I have always had a fear of men.
~ I have never married and rarely dated.
~ I told a boyfriend when I was 18. And my father would ultimately break us up – because the boyfriend knew the secret.
~ And the list goes on and on and on.
“Incest was the molding experience of my entire life. Everything I have thought, said, done or felt has been influenced dramatically by that”
Marilyn Van Derbur
HE WORE FEELINGS ON HIS T-SHIRT?
Please check back later today…
THE BIG DEAL
Well, if Dad touched your breasts twice, what’s the big deal?
Stated to me by one of my siblings this weekend.
Seven years of intolerable pain. Seven life changing years. After seven years, what’s the big deal? We have gone from all of my brothers and sisters desperately writing my therapist in Philadelphia that I was “mentally ill” for merely suggesting my father molested me to “what’s the big deal?” The sibling was referring to the two incidents outlined in my original complaint against my parents, HOLZINGER V. HOLZINGER (click here).
This website will go on vacation this coming Thursday through Monday. Following that, I will return to the incest story and let them know what the big deal is. Simply unbelievable.
Regarding the incest story, I contacted the author of the New York Times article on F&M’s president, John A. Fry, that was republished in the Sunday News yesterday.
It was a very brief email in which I directed him to incesttragedy.com. I received this response the same day:
Thanks for your note, Ms. Holzinger. I'm sorry about the family issues you raise, but in all honesty I don't think this is a topic, as it relates to one individual, that we would pursue. / Alan Finder
I fully understand. Someday, though, someone will pursue it on a national level. And I don’t expect an education writer for the New York Times to do a story. But every time Alan Finder hears the names F&M and John A. Fry, he will think about the incest story. His awareness and assessment of F&M has been permanently altered. That is all I had hoped to accomplish.
There will be much more on all of this next week. And yes, John A. Fry, I will be calling to see if you’ll be awarding a lucky student the Charles H. Holzinger Anthropology Award this year. Count on it.
DINNER WITH A CLINTON!
On a lighter note today, the Lancaster Democrats issued the following very important press release (Wow!):
The Lancaster County Democratic Committee announced March 8 that “a prominent member” of the Hillary Clinton presidential campaign will attend their annual Awards Banquet on Thursday evening, March 13. The identity of the banquet’s special guest, whether Hillary herself, former President Bill Clinton, or other notable, will not be revealed by the campaign until closer to the event date.
Because attendance is expected to swell as a result of this announcement, the Committee has changed the location of the banquet to the Lancaster Host Resort and Convention Center, 2300 Lincoln Highway East.
The evening’s activities begin at 6pm with VIP reception, registration, and cash bar. Dinner is scheduled for 7pm; however, timing of dinner and awards presentations will be flexible to accommodate the evening’s special guest.
The cost of reservations for the VIP plus dinner is $110 per person. Tickets for dinner only are $55 each. To place reservations, contact Lancaster County Democratic Committee headquarters by phone at 717-299-5701, or by email at firstname.lastname@example.org. Reservations can also be made and paid for online at www.lancasterdems.com. Checks should be made payable to “LCDC.”
I hope everyone has a day full of love and peace. This email in yesterday and it made my day and and my year and my over three years with this site worth while - and my commitment stronger. Thank you so very much for writing and your kind words. There will be much more on all of this very shortly. Have a great day!
I watched the Dr. Phil show today and all I could think while watching it was, 'Becky should contact Dr. Phil and do the same thing this gal is doing.' From what I have read in your reports your folks are in total denial of all that you were exposed to as a child. Now is a great time to expose them where they will be recognized and your cries will not go unheard as they apparently have been in the local area. You have already gone public with your information so, what harm can going to Dr. Phil bring to you? I say go to him and let them face that. You will open a lot more eyes and surely they will finally lose control of the deception and their so called good reputation with some folks. Go girl!
I personally admired the gal on the show today. She stood firm with her memories and details. You can do the same. Let him put your mother in the same seat the mother sat in today. Let Dr. Phil tell her what he thinks. He does not hesitate to express his opinions. I hope you go to him.
Wishing you much luck and hopefully a better feeling in the end.
~ Of LNP! ~
OF THE END
What the Lancaster Newspapers did to Molly Henderson is illegal, unconscionable and beyond belief. I stated many times she should sue the Lancaster Newspapers. And she is! Yeah!
GO MOLLY, GO!
Click here for “Henderson sues LNP.”
Please check back later today…Ye Haw!
~ Talk About It! ~
I spoke with Edward Blackoff, the producer, writer and director of the movie “INCEST – A FAMILY TRAGEDY” for close to an hour by phone yesterday afternoon. He is sending me a copy of his film and said anyone who would like to order a pre-release copy can do so by using the contact tab under the website (click here). The cost is $15.
He told me two things that shocked me and I will come back to those items and our conversation later this week. I would like to thank him for contacting me and speaking with me and I hope to speak with him again soon.
Several things come to mind this morning. The prevalence of incest in our society and the destruction it causes and the fact that it is never publicized or discussed. Mr Blackoff, I and others are trying to change that. It’s the only way to stop this horrific crime and societal tragedy.
Close to six years ago my mother wrote me, “No one will believe you.” That’s what incest perpetrators count on. First are the threats to never tell while the crime is being committed and secondly they tell you “no one will believe you” if you do tell.
One of the most ironic – and absurd – aspects of my personal story is that my parents bragged their entire lives about their intelligence and education and my father being a professor of anthropology - and with every horrible fact I have related about my family – the only response these criminals have is to say I am delusional. They think that will explain their family tragedy away.
This tragedy is so huge there is no other possible explanation and I have memories of being abused. (Click here for my version of "INCEST - A FAMILY TRAGEDY.")
This brings me to Franklin and Marshall College and the Charles H. Holzinger Anthropology Award my father established and funds, and which F&M refuses to redact. Last week, John Fry, the president of F&M, was quoted in a Sunday News article saying, “What’s good for F&M is good for Lancaster.” The audacity and arrogance of that statement is simply shocking and it’s clearly untrue on many levels.
One of those is Fry’s incomprehensible refusal to redact an award named after an incest perpetrator and academic fraud. It will be the demise of Fry and ultimately, F&M.
Please check back tomorrow…
Richard Bruce “Dick” Cheney is President of the United States and that has me so scared I am hiding under my bed today. Please check back tomorrow…
*** BREAKING NEWS! ***
INCEST – A FAMILY TRAGEDY
I was typing my piece for today when I heard an email come in. I checked and low and behold there was an email with the title, “INCEST A FAMILY TRAGEDY” and the body of the email says this:
You might be interested in seeing my documentary. Visit
www.ShazzamFilms.com, see the trailer and
Guess what the title of his documentary is? “INCEST – A Family Tragedy.” Wow! That sounds familiar! Click here.
I have not viewed the trailer (that whole dial-up thing – I know, I know) but it looks legitimate and I have someone checking it out for me.
My response to Edward Blackoff was this:
I will! Where did you get your title?
He has just responded with this:
Same place you got yours I imagine, a combination of perspiration, inspiration and anguishing contemplation.
Hmmm. I am part of a family tragedy. I grew up with a family tragedy. I live the tragedy personally everyday.
I plan to correspond more with Mr. Blackoff. Anything that brings incest out of the dark and into the open is okay with me (within reason).
The story I was typing will come tomorrow along with a news round-up.
Mr. Blackoff has just sent me his phone number. Stay tuned! You never know what tomorrow will bring!